Feeling trapped in your partnership? Here are 4 ways forward.
Partnerships are hard. Another startup truism that is difficult to understand until you’ve experienced it personally…unless of course…
Great partnerships can be flawed
Partnerships are hard. Another startup truism that is difficult to understand until you’ve experienced it personally…unless of course you’ve ever tried to keep a girlfriend or a husband past the honeymoon phase. :)
Even in healthy, productive partnerships, it’s easy to feel like you are getting the short end of the stick. What can you do when things are on the rocks with your cofounder?
I see four options, most of which aren’t great:
1. Do nothing, get bitter, and await failure.
This is surprisingly, and sadly, a common approach. Like bad marriages, many founders “feel trapped” after years of co-mingling relationships and finances. Vested stock, unvested stock, and non-competes form golden handcuffs.
Not Productive
With no way out, it’s easy to shut down. Or even worse, wage a passive aggressive Cold War where resources and mental cycles are wasted on trying to affect relative power, rather than actually improving the situation. Don’t do it.
2. Re-scope the relationship.
The idea that you are stuck with the same deal you struck 5 years ago is only perpetuated by parties who benefit from the status quo. Circumstances change. People exceed or fall short of expectations. New opportunities arise.
I’m reminded of one of my favorite quotes from the great Woody Allen movie, Annie Hall:
A relationship, I think, is like a shark. You know? It has to constantly move forward or it dies. And I think what we got on our hands is a dead shark.
Like living organisms, good partnerships anticipate change when possible, but accept it when necessary.
3. Walk away*.
Something’s aren’t meant to be. And that’s ok. The tricky part is know when it’s actually time to pull the plug**. I vividly remember the exact moment that I knew it was time for a change:
I had just spent an hour analytically venting to my shrink*** about all the reasons why I should have been more happy - good idea, good timing, growing traction, offers for funding, billion dollar potential, etc. As I was putting on my coat to leave, she looked at me and almost off-handedly asked:
So why would you stay in a situation that makes you unhappy?
I was dumbfounded. At that moment I realized two things:
1) my mission, which had started as make the world a cozier, more connected place, was now completely focused on making money
2) even if I was on track to achieve my ostensible goal to build a billion dollar business, it wasn’t worth 6–9 years of depression.
It’s never right to do something for the wrong reasons. That night, I began to re-scope my relationship so that I could focus on recovering my lost sense of purpose.
4. Make it work.
The hardest but most fruitful option. The ingredients for a successful business partnership aren’t that different than what you would read in the latest Cosmo: Trust and Respect.
Kim is savvy
These techniques have also helped me:
Communicate, early and often.
Focus on how to grow the pie rather than how it is cut up.
Focus on what the partnership helps you achieve, rather than how it holds you back.
Love your partners for, rather than in spite of, their shortcomings.
Remember, it's not about everyone putting in their share. It’s about everyone putting in 110%.
Give your partner a hug the next time you see them. They probably need one as much as you do.
*I’m not saying you should just leave your partners holding the bag. Definitely not. It goes without saying that you need to uphold your responsibilities. I’m merely saying that if you are truly unhappy with your situation, maybe you aren’t in the right place.)
**The VAST majority of the time, it’s not time yet. Discomfort, fear, money, and rejection all push us away from our goals, but a sober look at our opportunity cost can help keep us on track. Fantasizing about leaving it all behind is like wanting to rip out a tooth that aches. The truth of the matter is that we need that tooth. In the same way, do you remember how hard it was to get here…do you really want to start from scratch again? When this is no longer the case, it’s time to re-examine what we are doing with our lives.
***Quoting Woody Allen and going to a psychologist…clearly I’ve been in NYC too long.